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06 Dec 2004

why is it that when you really love somoene, they tend to hurt you - not even knowing the hurt they are putting you through, why should be constantly reminded by other people about what they will be missing out on if they do not pay more attention - that's what started happening -
he does not give me enough attention - affection is null and void.
he calls when I dont - asking why I am being a stranger yet - no plans are made on his side for us to spend time together. does not invite me anywhere, never takes me anywhere unless i innitiate it. Am I not special enough to be involved in your life?
seems to keep me out of his world - friends, family, seems as much as i love him I know nothing of his world - this is killing me inside - maybe he feels he does not measure up to me. my independance seems to scare/threaten him. - I feel extremely exhausted (emotionally) I feel that I have had enough and I cannot do this anymore. I have had dreams of dying because I am starting to question what is wrong with me - why am i not in a loving, healthy, stable relationship? What is wrong with me - in all the other aspects of my life I am happy and succesful, hold down a great job, have a wonderful family and nice friends - I am hurting so bad. Why me. He seems unsure about what he wants. making me sure that I dont want this - I dont want another man - I dont want to be lonely - maybe I need a break from this life.
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01 Jan 0001

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