Ask an expert
Question

16 Jul 2005

May have lost her forever - how dumb am I!
Hi

You've probably heard it all before, but please humour me. I am 25 and have been together with a 22 year old girl for nearly 3 years now. I love her and really care a lot about her. I think this time I may have cooked my goose.

I have a lot of female friends, more than male friends. I like to keep in touch with them, mainly by SMS. This bothered my GF and a few months ago she went through my fone and read some messages and was really angry with me. I said I would stop. I did, and the next time she went through my fone there were none. A few months later, now, it started again and I was contacting them, and she did a spot check! OOPS. She broke up with me a week ago. Ever since I have been miserable, crying at times, depressed. At first she wouldn't even take my calls. At least now she answers when I call. She wont call or SMS me. I SMS her everyday to tell her that I love her and want her back.

She has agreed to go on a "date" with me at the end of the month as friends for now. She knows that I want her back, and I think by agreeing to go on this "first date" as we are calling it, she wants me back? But not immediatly. She says she needs to get over the hurt first. Which I understand. But everyday I hurt, I just want her back in my life. I intend marrying this girl and we both often talked of it, so it was nothing strange to her.

She thinks that I have been doing things behind her back, which I have not. Its all been perfectly above board. She says she doesnt trust me coz its happened before. Granted, but thats why I have agreed to re-prove myself and start from scratch. I just don't want to lose her. I want her back... I love her. Please can you offer some advice.
Answer 372 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

CC, I'm sceptical about this sort of need to kep contact with friends by SMS, when they are women friends, and the contact upsets someone you love --- and if the SMS messages don't mean anything, why save the copies rather than delete ? Why do you need to contact these other women ? And why in text ?
Obviously, you'll need to go very carefully on this "date" and in the renewed contact. Don't assume that she's moving towards marriage yet. Tell her, frankly, what you have told us here, about how much you care about her. You were actualy doing things behind her back, in terms of secret SMS messages, even if you consider them not to have represented what she felt sure they did.
What can you do except to be sincere, frank, and to stop chatting up previous female friends in this way. If some of them are just nice women you'd like to be friendly with, introduce them to your girlfriend, and make it a joint friendship. it's a useful test, if you feel the need to conceal from her, something you're doing, there's probably something wrong about it.
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
Voting Booth
Have you entered our Health of the Nation survey?
Please select an option Oops! Something went wrong, please try again later.
Results
Yes
33% - 9362 votes
No
67% - 19320 votes
Vote