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05 Jul 2005

Maybe something to discuss tomorrow morning ? - Reincarnation Continued
Subject:
Posted by: Cybershrink
Message:
What happens when you sow, and thus what you reap, depends, surely, on the precise nature of the seeds sown ! So when you "forgive" ( a mischievous concept, especially as preached in SA ) an abuser or cheater in such a way as to encourage and enable them to do it again, you are not sowing anything good from which good will come, are you ?
Date: 5/7/2005
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

I am saying that much of what is called "Forgiveness" has no spiritual or psychologically beneficial dimension whatsoever, is usually urged upon us by the perpetrators who benefit from us, and too often acts as a strong encouragement towards epeat offending. In the sense of releasing ourselvs from bonds of bitterness linking us to those who have hurt us, fine. In the sense of releasing perpetrators from any sense of need to repent or recognize the errors of their ways, and helping them to continue hurting us and others, I don't see any advantage to it.
One of the most awful things I saw when observing and participating in the Truth Commission was the extent to which those who had never had anything significant to forgive, and who had profitted and were profitting mightily from working with the commission, preached to victims who were continuing to be in severe emotional and spiritual pain, that they HAD to forgive evil people ; while insisting that the evil people should not be asked or expected or even invited to express repentence or regret. I heard far more anger expressed towards suffering people who were reluctant to rapidly forgive those who had hurt them profoundly, than were ever expressed towards perpetrators of even the most terrible deeds.
Then, in the context of the more usual relationship problems we discuss here, I am still sceptical of the pat formula that sees it as the victims duty to forgive, with no particular duty for the perpetrator.
One has to distinguish between what might be genuine and healthy forgiveness, and enabling or even encouraging, people to hurt inocent folks. Tough love is part of what may be needed, and at least tough forgiveness, rather than the greetings card soft and flabby forgiveness that has been pushed upon us.
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