Ask an expert
Question

12 Jan 2005

MISSING CONDOM
My boy friend and I have stopped using condoms for a while now, but even when we did I always supplied them. He has always had 3 in his bedside drawer since I've known him. Every now and then I check them. Yesterday morning when I looked there was only 2!

It felt as if my heart would break at this discovery. I went to him and asked him where it was. He looked me straight in the eye and laughing but with no guilty look said he used it when i asked him on what he said for his own pleasure.

What is that suppose to mean ? He then started talking to me as if the subject was finished being discussed I just looked at him and walked out and left. He did not try to stop me or come after me. He has not called or sms'd me. Neither have I.

This man has never given me any reason whatsoever to distrust him and I do not want to lose him. He once said to me that if he ever finds another man with me (sexually) he'll break my legs. (his wife cheated on him)

What now ? I dont want to make first contact I believe he has to come clean. Yes the checking of the condoms was wrong but I've also been cheated on and I have issues.

Please give me your honest advise and what does USED IT FOR MY OWN PLEASURE MEAN ?
Answer 1,532 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Curious that he said if he found another man with you, he'd break YOUR legs, and not those of the other man. Depending on the sexual behaviours of each of you, and your HIV satus, condum use might be wise. And if he has been unfaithful, condom use would be very wise indeed. And I dont see anything wrong in your checking on the condoms --- though, if you didn't do this regularly, presumably you had some other reason for feeling suspicious enough to have checked them ?
While it could happen, as most men, African men especially, seem to consider that condoms reduce their pleasure, it's not highly likely that he's use a condom for masturbation, "fo his own pleasure". Maybe, as Dude says, he was bored and experimenting. Who knows ? If he had used it innocently, he may be feeling embarassed, and upset at being questioned. If he used it to cheat, he'll be feeling angry at being caught out.
On the whole, maybe it was innocent --- but only relaxed and comfortable communication between the two of you would be able to sort this out. Maybe he is more cross that you were in his drawers, than about the condom itself.
Why not contact him and resume the communicaton ?
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.