Ask an expert
Question

02 Aug 2007

Mistress wont leave me alone
In the beginning of this year, I call my husband at work, he was not there and no one knew where he was. So I called him on his cell, he told me that he was doing a delivery and was outside, so I asked him to switch on his radio (now you must understand, he had an affair about 6 years ago and I don’t really trust him, but everything has been fine.) of cause he got angry with me, but he did what I asked so I left it at that. The about two weeks later I started to get calls whereby they ask for me then put down the phone, this happened about 6 times on the last call, I heard my fax go off so I went to check what came through, low and behold, it is a fax stating that I am a idiot if I believe that my husband has gotten over his mistress and that I am deluding myself if I think that the affair is over etc, etc (you must understand that my husband has never been late or slept out and is always home before me) so I confronted my husband and of course he denied it. Then about three weeks later I get left an envelope under my office door (never had the guts to face me or confront me) she claims that I have been harassing her and that the time when I phoned my husband he was at her house and not at a client. So I confronted him about this too he admitted it, but he said he went there to tell her to stay out of his life and that he loves me and the affair was a big mistake. (Firstly, I don’t understand why he had to go to her house. He keeps on telling me that nothing happened and that she is bitter because she is trying to break us up because he turned her down and not she has been harassing me.) But she keeps on calling me with the same thing saying that he was with her and nothing knew. She hasn’t contacted him because he won’t talk to her so she trying to get to me. She also sent him a messaged stating “sorry you are an abused husband, but I won’t take her shit” she claims I have been calling her which is a total lie. My husband and I have been together for 17 years, if he was so unhappy and if I was abusing him don’t you think he would have left me. She claims the only reason he is with me is because of our kids. I have told him if he is so unhappy, he can take the kids and leave so she can’t use that as an excuse.

I really don’t know what to believe anymore, the other day she sent him a message for his birthday he ignored it. What should I do, I know he loves me and loves been at home but I just wish she would leave us alone and get on with her life. He swears that he has done nothing wrong.

What do you think I should do?
Regards
Upset and confused
Answer 16,928 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

I am sure other readers will have some useful comments here. IF he is telling the truth about ending that affair, or even wants to convince you that this is so, why doesn't he join you in getting a court order / restraining order forbidding the other woman from contacting you OR him in any way, or approaching either of you. I hope you were sensible enough to keep the fac and letter you refer to, as these would be good evidence of your concerns, as would phone and fex records for your numbers.
Then either decide to end the relationship with your husband and consult a good local lawyer, or see a good marriage counsellor together
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
Voting Booth
Have you entered our Health of the Nation survey?
Please select an option Oops! Something went wrong, please try again later.
Results
Yes
33% - 9362 votes
No
67% - 19330 votes
Vote