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23 Feb 2004

Money....Money
I have this b/f,well he is wonderful and we really love each other,however he is the biggest penny-pinching man on earth.He has his own business and he always tell me the business is not doing well.Although I know he has money. We're not staying together, I have my own house and I am a single mon. My child's father passed away years ago. So I do everthing alone. He does things for me, but it's just not enough and yet he feels it is more than enough. We always argue about this type of things, i tell him i have a bond, water & lights, etc. than he will maybe buy meat and well that is it and all. I only earn a certain amount every month and most of the time I can't manage throughout the month and it seems not to bother him. The only thing he can tell me is that the business is not doing well, and start scratching his head, hell no i had enough, he is constantly complaining about everything, and mostly i just don't ask a thing, cause i feel i am gona make him SO POOR. It will take a lifetime for him to be poor. I actually don't know what to say next, how to say it, cause it is like i am out to use him, i just want him for his money. He knows it's not like that, but this constant moaning about money and me not having any is a bit too much to handle. I even tried selling a few things just for extra money, but it didn't work. Sometimes when i buy something from his business, he will take my money, without feeling guilty. We've been together for 4 years now and all this time this was a big problem to me. I feel i can rather struggle alone and than I know i have no one to depend on, instead of having this wealthy b/f, but are not prepared to do things. He will never ever offer to pay something for me that is maybe gona make a difference in my life, e.g. paying maybe the bond for one month or something. I need to discuss this matter with him AGAIN, but i am out of words, don't know what to say or do anymore. He is well aware of my situation, cause we have this conversation well every second week. I am really tired and totally stressed out about this, even broke the relationship twice. I can't hanle it anymore. I don't want him to support me, but he is my b/f and I do need financial help. What do i tell him next that he hasn't heard before??
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Tired,
I find your message very contradictory. You say you don't expect him to support you, but you DO expect him to support you. You are not married, and you are not living together. He has his own business and prsonal expenses. Yes, maybe he has some more money than you do, maybe not. But that's not relevant. Like Megan, I don't see whay he ought to may for anything for you. You're not for rent, are you ?
Mabe as a businessman he could help by advising you on how to restructure your debts and expenses, so as to live a more affordable lifestyle. You do sound awfully selfish, as you'll surely notice if you re-read your own message. From the sound of it, ANY man would feel scaed of becoming poor, when in a relationship with you, as you seem to expect so much in a financial sense.
When you buy somehing from his business, he OUGHT to take your money --- that's why it's called a business, for goodness sake. If you were in a similar relationship with a man you knew was poorer than you are ( if you would ever allow that to happen !) --- would you be expecting him also to help to pay your regular expenses ?
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