Ask an expert
Question

20 Apr 2006

Moral dilemma
my brother has been married for 5 years to a wonderful lady.But i think they may have got married too soon. (They are both 28)
Even though they are both two well established individuals in their own right they dont seem to "click". They gel well enough in day to day life to a certain extent. But on a spiritual level they dont. Is that a problem? i mean, you look at marraige and think everything must be perfect- but in reality its not (judging by the examples you have around you).
I also found out that he gets sexual favours(oral) from ladies he is close to. Is that being unfaithful? Why would he do this if he loves his wife so much. i know he does. But he says its not cheating as he actually doesnt kiss or have sex with these people. But what i think is if you have to hide it and keep it secret then then it is.
i dont know what to do. He is a good person and dont want him to lose everything! please help!
Answer 366 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

If you're right in what you guess about your brother's marriage, that MIGHt be a problem for them --- but not for you. They are competent adults, and make their own choices in life. Many things in life are never perfect, but need to be Good Enough. But in the example you quote, OF COURSE his getting oral sex from other women is cheating, and a very pecuilar behaviour if he actually loves his wife. Oral sex IS sex, whatever Bill Clinton says, and every man knows it is, and he is being dishonest with you, her, and himself, by pretending that it isn't. And yes, if he thinks its so harmless, why does he hide it ? That is not the behaviour of a good person. If he loses his marriage when inevitably this is found out, it will serve him right, and surely he is intelligent enough to recognize that ?
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
Voting Booth
Have you entered our Health of the Nation survey?
Please select an option Oops! Something went wrong, please try again later.
Results
Yes
33% - 9365 votes
No
67% - 19346 votes
Vote