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28 Jul 2006

Mother in alcoholic
Dear Cs. I dearly need some advice. My mother is definately an alcoholic there is no doubt about that. She has been this way for many years (over the last 5 years daily drinks-ALOT) i dont think there has been one day these past years she hasnt touched a drink. i know she tried AA once when i was younger (i am 20 now). my parents are divorced,have been for 6 years.she then remarried straight after (few months after divorce was final) and that marraige only lasted 3 years.They also had an affair which ultimately ended my parents marraige. i wish i could say she is a nice person but i am yet to "meet" that person my grandmother talks so fondly of as she was in her early years. obviously i never knew my mom when she was young duh. she is very negative.she gets drunk and starts fights. i hardly see her but when i do (mostly at pubs in our area where alot of my friends go to) so i bump into her and there the trouble starts again. i use to get so embarassed but u know what, my true friends just turn a blind eye to it and say its okay-its not my fault she talks of/to me like that.she is drunk and has issues. that is all swell but she is still my mother. i sometimes call her by her name other than mom. she has hit the bottom of the barrel- literally! her house was robbed a few months ago-she was cleaned out! nothing was left. so she has no possessions.one of her friends crashed her car, no insurance and now she has no car. she has moved in with her brother -rent free till she gets on her feet (but its been 10 months now!!)
she has a average job.doesnt earn a huge salary but non the less has managed to hold on to that job (much to our suprise-the family). we try help her where she can, she is lending a car from another family member at no cost. she spends her entire salary on alcohol. i have stopped "meeting up with her" as it usually involves going for a "drink" somwhere (social i supose) but i dont want to encourage her drinking. she wont go to the beach for a walk with me nor do dinner instead. i am out of ideas.

how can i make her see that this is her life and give her will to move forward?? it's so important for her to see the light/ the bigger picture here. she has to do it for herself.i have to make her see that coz quite frankly no one else is going to! i guess that means i do still care....i am a good person and cant see someone doing that to themsleves. we live in cape town area- west coast. how do i get in touch with an AA group or something. she doesnt have money or medical or anything to go to a speacial facility. thats also why i am willing to help.
Thanking you in advance.
Answer 447 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

It is totally and utterly impossible for anyone else to stop an alcoholic from drinking or messing up their lives, and we ought not to try to take that responsibility on ourselves. It can only be up to her. If and when she wants to stop drinking, she can do so, probably with the help of a good local shrink and rehab program, and AA. You can't do it for her. Don't agree to meet wih her when the meeting involves drinking. You can't MAKE her see anything, or GIVE her the will to move forwards -- you can't provide good sense like a blood transfusion. She has to want it and find it herself. Check if your local AA branches have an Al-Anon program for family members of alcoholics
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