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04 Feb 2004

Mother nonsense at this stage of my life
Hi there Doc, just to fill you in have been on Cipramil for 3 years now, feel much better and can at least deal with life. I am 44, and have just had a 13 year old son off to Boarding School and a 19 year old off to Varsity. Obviously I do not feel ok! Everbody around me has been an absolute pillar, very understanding and all that. Was able to see our son over the weekend, first form of communication allowed in 2 weeks!! Obviously I did not feel ok on Monday! I phoned my Mom on Tuesday morning just to fill her in, etc. Our son is 400 km in one direction and Mom 400 km in the other. All she had to say was "Now you will have Empty Nest Syndrome" and "You should have enjoyed driving your children to school when they were home". I got so angry cos not once did I ever complain about having to travel 100km a day just to fetch my children. (Carted them all over the district for sport - sometimes doing up to 400 km a day) My Step Mother and Mother in Law were both caring on the phone and helped me, but wow my Mom - She has got to be from another planet. What is wrong with her? I feel that she is now just a bitter twisted old lady. She has alienated my brother's wife, and has on several occasions been derogatory towards my husband, she is going to end up with nothing! Her and my Dad were divorced when I was 20. I have always respected her, but have a strong personality and it is coming where her and I are going to have a Bun Fight. I do not want this to happen, I love her, but the way she has been carrying on is just getting too much for me. By the way, it is not even ok to sit down and chat to her cos she just gets uptight and turns the table. Any suggestions other than just never seeing her cos she gets to me?
Answer 380 views

01 Jan 0001

Dear Pen,
Let go. Even though you continue to see her, stop expecting her to be comforting and supportive --- that sounds like it's just never been in her repertoire, for whatever reasons. Adjusting one's expectations realistically really does help. If you expect no more from her than she usually gives, she can't disappoint you ( and, fortunately, it sounds as if you have two other women you can ely on ). If occasionally she surprises you ( and probably, even herself ) and manages a bit more than you expected, well, regard it as a bonus.
And face the empty nest by re-filling your day with activity, but this time, it is for YOU --- explore new hobbies, activities, new friends, helping charities, whatever you can enjoy as a source of occupation. Just as the car must feel rather exhausted after all those 400 km days, it still needs to keep it's battery charged, and needs a good run now and then.
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