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27 Feb 2004

My boyfriend is married
I'm 3rd year Med Student and towards the end of last year, I met this guy and I gave him my number because I was going home (in a different Province) on the day that I met him. For 2 months we talked on the phone and we SMSed each other and we had so much in common. When varsity started at the beginning of the year we met up and went out a couple of times. About a week ago, he told me that he was falling in love with me, then a couple of days later he told me that he was married.
I told him it was over but then he came over to my place and told me he loved me. I feel like such a stupid little girl because I told him I love him too. We've been seeing each other a lot since he told me the truth and this morning when he came over to my place, I broke it off. Not because I didn't want to be with him but because I wanted him all for myself. I feel like if he called and wanted to see me, I would tell him I wanted to see him too. What I'm trying to say doc is, "Although I know I made the right decision, why do I feel so empty?" I think of him every second of every day. Could other people who've been in this situation please reply.
Oh, one more thing. Him and I have not slept together. And to make things worse he's 34 and white and I'm a 20 year old black girl.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear CG,
He lied to you, over quite a long perod of time, and deceived you. And he is married and not free to have a genuine relationship with you. And if he's happy to cheat on his wife, he'll be just as prepared to cheat on you.
You DID make the right decision, to break it off ( well, psychologically, rather than anatomically, anyway )
It feels empty because breaking it off means facing uncomfortable truths, and giving up the hopes you had formed for a great long relationship with him, and facing the fact that that is impossible. You're wise, too, not to have slept with him, which would only have complicated matters further.
At 34, he is old enough to have known better than to have deceived you. This doesn't have to be an angry and bitter parting, but if he genuinely cares for you, he must recognize that it is not in your best interests to get further involved in a relationship with a married man --- however pleasant a married man he might be.
Keep up your good sense, and you'll eventually be a dynamite doctor !
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