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30 Jul 2008

my heart sinks?
Dear CS,

I have another small problem. Most of the time i' m an independent woman and i get alot of attention from men but sometimes it feels like a curse. i ALWAYS attract men who think i' m beautiful. i mean i get told i' m pretty all the time so i' m not insecure about my looks. but the thing is that' s all that happens. men either think i' m cute or they want to just " do me"  as one of them put it once.

everytime i meet someone who is starting a new relationship or getting married i get so sad. i don' t understand, there are other things happening in my life so why do i feel sooooo bad when other people tell me their good news? why can' t i just be normal and secure in myself the way i normally was. i feel like i' m just going through a rough patch because its not like me to feel this way.

but it really hurts when i see people with real intimacy because i don' t know if i ever had that. why can' t i just attract someone who likes me for me and not only looking at my body. ok i know that is a question that can only be answered with patience but then why all of a sudden am i feeling sad and insecure instead of being patient until the right man comes along?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Your distress on seeing others being happy probably expresses a fear on your part that for some reason you WON'T experience that sort of happiness, so its related to a sort of low self-esteem. And it is a problem I have often seen in atractive people, that they fear people see only their looks and not their whole personality ( rather like rich people fear that its only really their money that you likek when you're friendly to them ). See a good local counsellor, especially of the CBT type, to explore this sort of issue and find ways to feel more confident
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