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02 Feb 2008

My Husband doesn't appreciate me
Hi All
I have a problem, Few years back i found my husband cheating on me. I'm still hurting because what i saw on the SMS he sent to his mistress is what he has never said to me ever since we met. But he managed to write an SMS to this lady telling her how beautiful she is and how she has stolen his heart, he has never said anything close to this to me, let alone tell me i'm beautiful. I battle to deal with all this as i have tried addressing this with him but he just never changes. He does not even send or phone me during the day and only sends me pls call me when he want me to help him with something or only calls when he needs my help. He only knows i'm his wife when he wants sex, he would be cold the whole day and when we go to bed he would all of a sudden hold me and automatically when he starts holding me that i know he wants sex as he never just holds me without him wanting sex from me.

Am i only his sex toy? what do you think i should do?

Thank you all
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Of course this must have been very upsetting for you. But don't over-interpret the SMS message --- a man who is trying to seduce a woman tends to say more romantic and flattering things than he will say to the same woman when he already has her. Whatever he said was a tactic, not a compliment. He sounds a selfish and unaffectionate spouse. COuld you persuade him to join you in marriage counselling ( eg through FAMSA ) ? If not, if he doesn't see any problem and has no interest in improving things, you might find it helpful to see a counsellor yourself, to review your options --- either sadly accept things as they are, as he would then be really unlikely to change, or to consider leaving him and moving on to a better life and perhaps a relationship with someone who does appreciate and love you
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