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11 Nov 2004

My life is falling apart
When I finally seem that I have one situation under control, I am now suddenly faced with another challenge. I have suspected for a while that my husband is gambling.
For several months I have been the breadwinner, taking care of all finances at home, due to the fact that my husband, with his brother as partner, have embarked on a business opportunity and all of his monies were invested in getting the show up and running.
I relinquished the opportunity to open my own business in order to minimize the risks of not having a stable income, etc. Of course, I am stuck in a job where I am extremely unhappy.
My brother-in-law has advised me that he has kicked my hubby out of the business, because he has accumulated huge debts due to his gambling problem. He has even gone to the extent of banning my husband from the premises.
I am not sure how to deal with this. Do I kick my hubby out ? I am hurt by the lies and deceit.
He has been extremely selfish. I have neglected myself so much, in order to provide the support I thought he needed. My health has deteriorated, as mentioned earlier, mostly due to stress and out of respect for his religion I have engaged in fasting, which has aggravated the ulcer and I also suffering from hypoglycemia.
I am stuck with an addict husband (no income), depressed son and not to mention myself, uncertainty at work, having bipolar disorder for which I am not receiving treatment in medication, or otherwise.
I feel like hitting the bottle, which I have not done for over a month and never felt like I wanted to.
Where do I go from here? If my kids did not need me as much as I know they do, I see no place for me.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

There's no easy answer here, J. Presumably you do at least need to confront him and see what he has to say. You might well decide either to leave him anyway, or to insist that you will do so unless he stops gambling and starts proper treatment for gambling addiction with a good local shrink, and relinquishes control over funds to you, so that he would have no money to gamble with.
Do you know if this pathological gambling is a problem that has only started recently, or a long-standing problem which has only become obvious and revealed lately ? The kids need you and vice versa ; it's a lying, cheating, gambling wastrel who isn't needed by anyone --- dont punish the wrong person !
And don't hit the bottle --- remember, the bottle always hits back !
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