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17 Nov 2004

My relationship
First I want to say I know all relationships takes work, that's how it is in reality but I've got something nagging at me.

my boyfriend and I are both in our early twenties. Communication is very open between us - we're very honest with each other. we see each other regularly and we've been together almost a year now. We're both still students but not the "jolling" type at all all. (By that meaning we do have fun and go out but we don't get drunk at every opportunity and try to break a new world record of one-night stands... anyway...)

I just want to make absolutely sure that this is normal. We tend to bicker about the smallest things - and it mostly turns out to be the same things. I tend to push things too far and he tends to want to escape too soon - we've talked about that too. The thing is I come from a family where we immediately discussed disagreements (not always peaceful - we're a passionate lot when the mood strikes us, guess it's the italian blood ;) :p ) So I'm used to discussing things. In his family they tended to avoid any disagreements or problems.

It doesn't take a genius to see where our problem lies. I do try not to push things but I also tend to panic and I'm a very emotional person so when I get started it usually takes a while for me to be able to stop again and that's when I push things when I know I should drop it.

I'm scared that on the long run these arguments will push him away. He's a patient man that's part of why I love him so much. But I'm a lot to handle and I know it. Small things upset me, I get emotional very easily and can stress about anything so what's your verdict? Am I just overreacting again? how can we handle this better? or is it just another normal part of relationships?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Happy, sounds pretty normal to me. and an illustration of the way ou personal styles of communicating and of dealing with potential problems, tend to be shaped by our family and cultural backgrounds. The important thing is that bopth of you are aware, intelligent, concerned, and communicating. You probably both have different styles in dancing, but manage fine to dance together without falling over each other's feet. So let it be with communicating and problem-solving. And on your side, be as volatile as culture and upbringing propose, but don't keep stressing about things so heavily --- THAT is not culturally appropriate. The more volatile cultures tend to let off steam then simmer down, rather than brooding afterwards.
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