Ask an expert
Question

05 Feb 2009

NEED ADVICE PLEASE
Thank you for all your advice.
Doctor, we did see someone in 2004 because i wanted to leave him as he had a very bad temper, i know he would never hit me. We were not married yet but we did have our first son. His mom and him wanted me to see someone, she did not understand how he could take out all his frustrations on me. She didn'  t understand how he could have slept downstairs for 4 months while i was on maternity leave, fair enough he had to work but he didn'  t work on weekends. I mentioned everything the doctor and his problem with me was that i smoke and my problem with him was that he treated me like a dog, swore at me, called me ugly names etc. He promised to change which once again only lasted about 2 weeks. I have tried my utmost to make him happy and i still get treated like this. It all boiled down to that i had the baby blues and had to see someone else who wanted to put me in hospital but like i said to her how can it be the baby blues when i am a happy person generally, the only time i am depressed is when he does stuff to me to hurt me. He is the only one that makes me cry. So she gave me some tablets to take which didn' t help and made me cry all day long, i think they were anti depressants. I called her to let her know and she said i must stop taking them and thats where it left off. I felt i didn' t need any help. WE NEEDED HELP. He doesn' t see that, he tells me i have issues and that i am a f*(% up. The words he has called me before have hurted me so much.
When ever something happens he always be littles me and makes it seem like it'  s all my fault.

I am sure i have my faults too. Is there anyway other to save my marriage besides divorce. How do i get him to be a human being and not to be nasty because he can say the meanest things?
The best thing is coucelling for both of us? My one fault is that when we do have a fight i want to talk it out and get things out in the open and he doesn' t like that, he wants to be left alone. How do i leave him alone when i feel so sad?
Answer 287 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Promises to change are usually worth very little --- as I often say, don't just listen to what he says --- listen to what he DOES. If you saw a proper psychiatrist or at least a gopd GP, and they wanted to admit you to hospital, it swould have been wise to follow their advice, and use the opportunity to discuss the problems in more detail and to start treatment. Yes, antidepressants, while useful in treating properly diagnosed depression, don't help when your situation in life is making you miserable.
Anyhow, while of course you're right that you both need help, separately and together, if he is unwilling, at least start by getting proper help for yourself. And from a psychiatrist / p;sychologist, not a GP< as you need someone with more training and skill.
As to how to handle the arguments, etc. although what you try to do makes sense, it clearly does not work, and may be exacerbating the situation. Often it can be more useful to discuss such events afterwards when both of you are calmer, than to try to have a complex discussion when everyone is high;y upset.
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
Voting Booth
Have you entered our Health of the Nation survey?
Please select an option Oops! Something went wrong, please try again later.
Results
Yes
32% - 9464 votes
No
68% - 20199 votes
Vote