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09 Feb 2004

need help to accept wife's job
I really am having a very difficult time accepting my wife's success.She got promoted into a senoir position about 18 months ago. This requires her to be in meetings most of the day and she is also out of the office frequently.It is not a question of me suspecting her with another man...more a situation of me not wanting her to spend more time with other people and not cocentrating on me....I know this is ver selfish but that is what my mind is telling me...the money is great...benifits superb....why then do I have this compulsive hatred towards her job and the people she works with...she works mostly with woman which makes my behavoiur even more bizarre...I am at the end of it all....I have a good job and still earn more than her so it is not a money issue....I have not got much job satisfaction which may add to the problem.I cannot find it in me to say anything good about her job to her face...I compliment and brag about her to all the family and friends and it really comes from the heart...I just cannot say it directly to her...why why why...it is creating friction and causes us to fight day in and day out....when she is not at work and we are alone at home over weekends you cannot find a happier couple...am I going insane??????

I really want the doc to give me some answers..I really need some constructive advice!!!!!please!!
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear mike,
Funny, isn;t it, how often our head says one thing "This is great and good for both of us", and our heart says something different "OK, but what about ME !!" And you're right that this concern of yours, while normal, is illogical. So she spends much time during the day in meetings --- well, I hope she didn't, previously, spend much of the workign day thinking about or communicating with you --- that's not exactly what the company pauys her for ( or you, I suppose !). And one wonders whether you're actually getting any less really quality time with her --- except to the extent that your conflicted feelings about this reduce your ability to fully relax and enjoy the time that you DO still have together.
No, of course you're not going insane, though it can feel pretty odd to get so wound up about something you recognize as not deserving such an intense response. This is the sort of situation in which counselling for you, probably not needing to last long, could be really valuable for you both.
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