Hi there,

I have had one to many, have cut myself beyond belief and still bleed as I speak. Before I do anything irrational- like take some pills or whatever I can get my hands on. I am here, talking maybe it iwll help.
I jus think I am such a mess up and I screw everything in life up, I can never say the right thing do the right thing. I think the major problem here is I told someone how I feel about them- which I have never done and did not want to do- incase they said they felt the same= i dont want to mess up anyone else's life with my stupid issues, I dont want to bring them down with me, Its not fair on them or anyone. I wan tto just dissapear, get out of everyones life so i dont have to mess up anyone else's life. I didnt want to hurt her=-i am a female and I know she is gay herself. She has a gf and is in love- but told her anyway because of a shrinks advice. I dont think I should have done that cos i know how she feesl about this other lady. "sigh*
I am on medication, I am seeing a psychologist- went to see someone else about this cos my one is on holiday- as are most Drs.
I know there is nothing I can do- I just want to be her friend now- but I think she is gonna push me away now. But hey.
I'm sorry this must sound awfully pathetic- i have not been so damn sad in a long time. Its prolly got to do with the rejection- which i was expecting- so err, i dont know why. Maybe I realise inside I can never make her happy and she is better off without me, so why did I tell her?
I feel better now, thanks for listening, or reading. I'm sorry for this...I just needed to talk. Hell, I have never felt so sad in my entire life before, and so confused. I have never gone after women before which makes things worse and more confusing.

Ok let me stop now....
For I am crying now