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16 Nov 2004

needing advise
Hi there!

Im 19 yr old and is in very seroius relationship and my mother is forcing us to get married both of us are not very sure, i don`t want to get married for the wrong reason and definitly not to please other but if i don`t she wants to band him from our home and she is also very religious ,so moving out won`t even be an opion.WHAT DO I DO. PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

If either of you, let alone both of you, are unsure. do NOT get married, and don't allow your mother to force you to do anything so silly. She sounds like one of the people I'd call churchiose, rather than religious --- because none of the major religions I know of would tell her to interfere here and to force their child into a marriage she's not ready for. Her religioisity is irrelevant. Just refuse to get married unless and until you are ready for it.
If you are pregnant, see a counsellor to work out your options and decide what is best for both of you and the
child, taking your mom's opinions into account, but not allowing her to decide for you --- you are an adult.
My understanding of islam is that she ought not to be doing this either --- certainly SA law recognizes no right for her to decide when and who you should marry. Is there no way you could move out on your own, or share a flat with a friend, and become independent of her ?
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