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Question

08 Mar 2004

New guy in my life about to become something of the past
2 months ago, I came out of a 3 yr relationship. Two weeks later I met another guy. This guy is really sweet. He is 12 yrs older than me but we do have somethings in common. We make each other laugh and we are very comfortable and causal in front of each other. The problem is that I have only been seperated from me ex for only 2 months. And I still feel for him and long for him. I know that he treated me badly and it was a good choice to get away from him and his ugliness but I still mss him very much. I keep looking for his qualities in this new guy. Which is not fair because I must not compare him to someone else. This new guy is good to me and gives me more attention then what my ex did. e goes the extra mile to satisfy me. My problem is that I do not feel the same way as this guy. I am not able to put my entire self to make him happy and satisfy him the way that he does for me. I first started going out with him coz I was lonely and wated to forget about my ex, then I started liking this guy but now there are no sparks. He also has a kid which puts some strain on me coz I don't have kids of my own and it just makes things complicated. Like if I wanna go out then he has to look after his kid. I want to end things with this guy but I don't know what to say to him. I don't want to hurt him coz nobody likes to be rejected but I can't go on with this anymore. How can I let him down easy?
I have actually come to the point where I just wann be alone for a while and not have to worry about any guys. I just wanna go and have fun with my friends. Am I being selfish?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

N@s,
isn't it actually lucky that this new guy does NOT have the qualities of the guy who treaed you so badly ? But it sounds as if you got involved with him on the rebound, and you certainly do owe it to him to let him down gently. Maybe talk more with him about your feelings, about how mad things could be in the last relationship, about worrying that though you like him for all his sweetness, that you may have become involved with him on the rebound, and maybe you need time and space on your own to get over your history, and prepare for making a fresh start ?
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