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18 Nov 2004

Not ready for kids
I am a few weeks pregnant and feeling totally negative about having a baby. I just don’t see myself being a mother and caring for a child. I didn’t feel like this before I was pregnant, in fact I really wanted a child. If I had known how I would feel now I would never have considered having kids, but it is too late for that now. I know this makes me a bad selfish person and I hate myself for feeling this way. Is it right to bring a child into the world when you don’t feel you want them. With every passing day the feeling just gets worse not better. I barely feel like being alive anymore. I can’t tell my partner how I feel as he is looking forward to having the child and will only resent me. What should I do? There is no one I can talk to as people are very judgemental when it comes to things like this and they won’t understand. You may suggest seeking professional help but I don’t know of any counselors in my area and I don’t know when I would be able to see them anonymously.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Its not uncommon for women, especially under the influence of the homonal changes of pregnancy, to feel ambivalent about that lies ahead. I've even had one woman, while I was delivering her baby, clamp her knees together and announce that she'd changed her mind and had decided after all not to have a baby !
You are NOT a bad or selfish person, but merely going through some of the normal wobbles of pregnancy.
You DO deserve to see a counsllor, who won't be judgemental ; and don't need to see them anonymously, as they keep the content of their sessions private and confidential. Call the office of your gynae who may know of some good local counsellors used to working with pregnant mums-to-be. And a good book could help a lot, to apreciate what's going on, and the wide boundaries of nomal.
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