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13 Jul 2005

Not sure about life

It's really hard to describe my life in one letter but I need to get it out so here goes...
I've been married to my husband for 2 years and we dated for 6 years before that. Even though the signs were there that maybe he's not the 'one' I perservered. His sleeping habits are a cause of concern coz he can sleep till the afternoon on the weekends even though I've told him that it frustrates me. He can play computer games forever even though he promises me it will only be an hour. We lived in a small flat for nearly 6 years and have made the move and brought a house, and a business, and a new Golf 5 GTI all of which is too much. We are in soo much debt and it's mostly his idea. I wanted to buy a house, but the business which I'm now running and the car are his. I'm feeling trapped and in a way I know that he's doing it for me and I know it's my fault for not speaking up but he's a taurus and is stubborn and can shoot anyone down with his words. I'm too scared to leave because I don't want to be lonely. I was drug raped when I was a 14 year old virgin and I kept it a secret for 11 years. I eventually told my husband, my mom and my sister but I can't forget it and move on. I just don't know what to do or where I want to go in life. I feel like I can't be strong without him. I'm 27 and have know idea what I'm doing. It was my birthday on Sunday and I cried like a baby because the years are going fast and I'm waiting for a life that reality won't allow. I've looked forward to having children my whole life and now I don't know because what if he still sleeps until 12h00 when we have children, I just can't see it in the future and it's breaking my heart. I've thought of suicide but the options are grusome and I can't bring myself to doing it - so there is some hope there. I know that life is not easy but I feel like I'm dead inside and my soul is dying. I don't know how to make up my mind about what I want out of life. I hate this business aswell because my personality totally clashes with it. AAAAAAAAAAAAhhhh. Another glass of wine please..
Answer 394 views

01 Jan 0001

Hello Um,
Maybe you've developed a significant Depression ; certainly you've accumulated a pile of issues deserving of counselling to start sorting them out ; maybe marriage counselling. Some excellent commetnts from Charlie and others.
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