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28 Nov 2005
I’m smiling, friendly, laughing, helpful at work. Trying to work anyway. No-one realizes that I’m actually doing nothing. Everything seems so far away. Its easy to keep the smiling, friendly face on. Nothing wrong except this fog that seems to make everything disappear. Can’t feel, can’t think, can’t be unhappy. Welcoming the numbness. I know I should care but I don’t. Why bother…. It only brings the pain, the unhappiness, the despair. So sleepy right now. Been sleeping for the past two weeks. Small periods of being awake inbetween. Need to be awake at work. Why bother though…. Can go home in a while, back to my bed. Should eat. Why bother…..
Could be a marked depression --- see a good local psychiatrist for a proper assessment, and then a discussion, if needs be, of treatment options. Good luck with tomorrow's session --- I hope it goes well and that you're soon feeling better
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