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25 Jun 2010

ongoing issues
Hi, if someone breaks up with me and then sends me a mail saying that the issues I brought up has happened to him in previous relationships and are ongoing issues so therefore he stops the relationship in its tracks when these things come up, whose problem is this, his or mine? It sounds like he is blaming me for his issues that he needs to resolve before he can settle down with someone??
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Its his problem. If he is running into the same problems in successive relationships, its very obvious he needs to see a therapist to break this pattern and work through the issues - to just continue to avoid them and hide from them is maladaptive and unkind to his innocent partners.
From your description, I don't think he is actually blaming you as such, though not really takeng responsibility either. He is saying HE has problems in relationships that recur, and he isn't yet man enough to face them and solve them
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