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24 Aug 2007

Parent Maintenance x2
Hey CS

I posted a week or so ago about paying maintenance for my mom and as irony would have it, last night, my father who i have not seen in about five years calls me ...............FOR MONEY!

CS, how do i choose betwen building a life for myself or paying for their mistakes. They have both messed up their and my life so terribly and whenever i feel like i've taken two steps forward they pull me three steps back. These are the people who never wanted me in the first place, these are the people who made me feel like a stray dog. He has a family of his own (two kids by his second cousin), but once again, i feel like the only time they feel anything for me is when they need a handout. Is this all i am to my parents! Is this why i spent so many years building myself up......so they could suddenly "love me" when i had made something of myself.

I worry that the money i give is the only way they eat, but at the same time i worry that if i keep doing this i will find myself financially drained. I already cancelled my medical aid plans so i can afford to pay my mothers maintenance, will i have to cancel my retirement plan to pay my dad's?

Why is thinking about myself and my security making me feel like a monster!
Answer 370 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Frankly, I don't see the least reason why you ought to pay for their mistakes, nor why they should be encouraged to consider you their cash cow. Build a good life for yourself, which is something they each had every opportunity to do for themselves. Don't allow them to pull you back into the messes they have created. If they don't cae for you and about you when you are NOT paying them, their felings are not in the least genuine, and don't need to be considered. Do NOT cancel either your own medical aid or retirement plan to provide for them --- who will provide for you when you need such support and help ? You are not in the least a monster, for not wanting to agree to monstrous demands.
Tell them to care for themselves, as you have done.
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