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Question

22 Nov 2005

Parent relationship
Hi all , I am 27 years old , married with two children , I want to know if I am the only one that has a problem with my parent , it is my farther , as a small child I use to be very scared when my dad got cross , he was hardly ever friendly and he use to tell me to leave him for 30min when he gets home, I tried very hard to make him happy or proud of me , he never had anything good to say about anyone (well obviously my mother devorced him), I must be honest I have more fear than respect for him , now because he is such a neg person he does not like my hubby and my husband tried very hard , but decided that he is not wasting any energy or time anymore , my dad will phone me and ask if I can come visit him (he stays about 200km away) , and if I say that I can not because I have to drive alone he wants to fight with me and he gets very rude , my dad is a physically big man wich makes matters worse , I still feel this insecure pathetic person when I visit him and I am sick of making them happy by negclecting my husband , my kids hardly ever enjoy it . They wanted me to go and visit them the weekend and I could not because it was my sons b-day , I swiched off my phone because he was very rude to me on the phone when he asked me to come the weekend , now they (him and his wife) keep phoning me and leaving messages , I wish they will go away . Why did I feel like my dad was bigger than God when I was small , and all this fear , even when I am having a drink , I always have this guilty feeling when he phones , and when I speak to him it is like my haert is racing and my hand start sweating - I NEED IT TO STOP !
Answer 374 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Your husband is right --- stop making any attempts to please this grumpy man --- he sounds like the sort who is only happy when he's unhappy. You have no duty whatsoever to make him happy ; quite the reverse. It is his duty to make you happy which he neglected so badly. Don't allow yourself to feel any guilt --- the only person who ought to feel guilty is him, and he sounds incapable of that. Set yourself free, and cut him off if necessary. And seek counselling, if necessary, to complete your liberation.
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