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18 Jul 2006

Perfect girlfriend GONE BAD
Dear CS

Thank you for your response to posting 2678. It gave me some perspective. I understand that being human means that we are not all perfect.

However, I don't know how to tell my boyfriend about what happened (the drunken kiss). I planned on taking him to a quiet restaurant where we could chat and I was going to be completely honest with him. He is only coming back from holiday tomorrow evening.

The only problem is that he just found out that his cousin is on life support and they are going to pull the plug. This just makes me sick to my stomach. How can I explain what happened when all I want is to be there for him at this difficult time. Do I tell him when he gets back?

Last week his best friend was involved in an accident and the girl they were with was killed. I don't know how to handle this very delicate situation. I'm trying not to confuse issues but I don't know what to do. I am finding it difficult to deal with this. I went to the funeral while he was away and I have never been so emotional. His being away has made this so much harder.

Am I being selfish thinking about what I did? The incredibly stupid moment that I had when he was away?

How do I show him that I love him and want to be with him but at the same time be honest with him when he is going through such a tough time? Please please help.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

I don't see that there's a need to be in a great hurry here -- surely it's a matter of proportion and perspective. Shouldn't this crisis with his good friend and the need to support him in dealing with that, take precedenece ? Talk with him about the funeral and how you reacted to it, and how you feel so anxious to be helpful and unsure of how to do so, and see how he feels.
I agree with R and Butterfly --- your feelings of gilt are rather exaggerated, and your need to tell him asap is something you want to do FOR YOURSELF< rather than truly for him. This is not a matter of bring dishonest, but of timing, so as not to add something that may upset him but has upset you even more so, to an unavoidably and unpostponable grief and alarm at the situation of his friend.
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