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11 Mar 2004
Last night I hit my boyfriend. I find when I despair or feel ignored or hurt I want to hit out. This was not the first time I have done this and I am despairing because I can see myself loosing him. He has never hit me back. This always happens when I feel I can not reach him because he is ignoring me or when he has done something that really hurts me. I am 37 and I still through tantrums like a tondler. I want to stop this not just for the sake of my relationship with this guy who I care for very much but also because I want to feel like I am a complete person capable of being emotionally marture.
I can well understand why you might lose him --- abuse is wrong, whoever does it. Ignoring you is not grounds for corporal punishment. As you say, there are aspects of what you describe that are reminiscent of a toddler's tantrums. One wonders whether at some level this touches a trigger that maybe arose in childhood, this fury when you feel you're being ignored ? At any rate, it sounds like it's at least complex enough to benefit from a spell of proper counselling, rather than rapid and brief advice online. And m's suggestions are truly excellent !
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