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05 Jan 2005

Please advise me
I am married for one year. My husband beat me up and I left him. I am 4 months pregnant and alone. He is seeking professional help, as he admitted to having a problem. I want to go back to him because I love him and he really is trying. But my family is giving me a hard time and says they will write me and the kids off if I go back to him. They make my life miserable and I feel torn in halve. What do I do? I am so confused and they do not make it any easier.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear Mandy,
Sorry to hear of your predicament, and of how badly your husband treated you. Call POWA ( check in your local phone book ) which is a major agency helping abused women. Be very, very cautious about the idea of going back to a man who would abuse a pregnant woman. It's very rarely enough that he is "really trying" --- abusers make all sorts of lovely promises to get you back, but very rarely keep them. Only if such a man gets seriously and sincerely involved in proper professional counselling to change his behaviour, is it worth considerng returning to hinm, however much it may feel as if you love him. If he actually loves you, he will seek and stick to, such counselling.
Of course your own family is distressed at the idea that you would go back to an abuser. Think carefully about what jenny and marga have said here. OK, so he had other major issues, such as not having been able to finish moruning his twin --- but beating up pregnant women is not a part of any form of normal mourning. If you love him, encourage him to work through proper counselling and finish working out his own issues. Meanwhile, look after yourself and the pragnancy, and then the child. If he can have the guts to finish the work he needs to do, maybe a proper and safe reconciliation could be possible --- but in the future, and not just yet.
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