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26 Jul 2005

Please help
Hi all
Pls help me - I dont know what to do. I have been married to this guy for 3 years and during that time I had two abortions [due to certain reaons] very traumatising. We have been relisgiously divorced for 2 month but during that two months he came to visit [we have a 2yr old] - he forced himself onto me several times & I stoped taking my pill cos I wasnt intimate with anyone. Now I am pregnant - he says that he wont let me have the baby - he has given me money to abort it- he says if I have it he will say its not his. We come from an Indian background where our families dont stand by us in things like this. He has just thrown me aside and says he wants nothing to do with me. He is willing to give me full custody of our 1 living baby and he agrees to pay R2000 a month to me till she 18 if I do the abortion. Am I crazy by taking revenge by him not seeing his kid? I am very hurt and very confused. I cant afford to keep this baby - Im only 23 and its very difficult taking care of my first born. Ths man has ruined my life - I left my family, friends, I left who I was for him. I know I was stupid but I really do love him. I dont ever want him back but I want some kind of revenge. Maybe I am over reacting? Please help!
Answer 376 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Guys, as a general point, could you look for more various nicknames ? It gets confusing when we receive many messages a day from "Me" and "Confused" leaving it unclear whether these are from the same or different people.
If he forced himself on you after your divorce, that was rape. Now that you are pregnant due to his selfish and criminal actions, it's none of his business whether you decide to continue with the pregnancy or not. And it's no use him denying anything --- DNA tests can prove beyond any possible doubt that the child is his.
And I think, especially with an irresponsible, selfish and unreliable guy like this, that you are much better off taking the matter to court, and letting a court decide the issues of what maintenance he must pay ( MUST pay, not pay just so long as he feels like it ), what access to the child, if anything, he should have.
That you feel that you want revenge is very normal, but concentrate on legally getting him tied to paying for what he did. Revenge tastes sweet only when you are fantasizing about it ; in real life it is never satisfying, and often makes things even worse.
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