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05 Dec 2005

PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!
Dear Doc

I have found that couples therapist (Richard Streeten) in Vredehoek, Ctn.

Partner and I both have single friends of the opposite sex and he's been unfaithful before so we agreed to a new house rule: no seeing single opposite sex friends other than as a couple.

We came to this conclusion on Wednesday night. We live in separate homes though, although we have a child. I think he's emotionally unavailable most times. He sometimes says that he'll never forgive me for not aborting my pregnancy ... made him a dad when he didn't choose to be one. Said we could have had lavish overseas holidays if we didn't have to raise a child. MEAN... He in fact said just last night that we could have spent December holls in the Carribean if it weren't for having a child... He says he loves her very much and he seems to me to be a great father but then this...

Either way, he was to visit us last night after meeting a male friend for a drink. Then called and said he's drunk after night out with the lads and heading on home. I found this unacceptable (I'm an ACOA and black and white goes down best...). Drove to his home and found a young lady there having coffee with him at 10pm. Turns out she'd accompanied him at his "boys night" and he still maintains she's just a friend. I have told him before that I consider her to be a threat to our relationship but he denied any interest in her. Just said she was "unfettered and without baggage" compared to our almost 5 year ongoing drama. I found this hurtful as my drama started when he initially bolted due to our pregnancy and then even has only made destructive cameo come-backs... which along with infidelity landed me in Kenilworth Clinic for 3 weeks mid-2004.

As I write this, I'm not entirely sure that it's worth the effort, but our appointment is set up for 14h30 on Monday. I also discovered that he called her to invite her over for coffee. He made the move and in fact had called this woman prior to telling me on the phone that he was tired/drunk and going home to sleep.

He'd also gone to the trouble of saving her name under an alias so that I would think it's just another client. We had a raging argument (the woman left upon my arrival - feeling quite caught out I think).

I do not think he's ready to take this step and I am not sure that I should even expose my 2,5 year old daughter to any more of her father's instable comings and goings. She's witnessed more than any little person her age should have to see... :-(

Am I just being the typical co-dependent here and screwing up my child in the process? Do I give an emotionally hot/cold man YET another chance or cut my losses and leave town? It feels that I'll never stop trying and hoping, hence the reference to leaving town - moving to Jhb possibly... FORCING me to get away from someone with pathological tendancies.

PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Wat a horibly selfish and materialistic and childish "man" he seems to be ! DO keep the appointment with your therapist, and there's a lot of work to do there, either to see if this infant in long pants cal make a functional spouse, or to find your way to become independent of him
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