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08 Jan 2005

Poison effects
Its taken me nearly a year to recover and put this down on paper. I have physical proof my late husband was poisoning me and would have succeeded if he had not passed away when he did. I have been losing weight steadily and had chronic skin problems, been wrongfully diagnosed with leukemia and had litres of cortizone pumped into me as nobody could work out what my problem was since 1996. Two weeks after my husband died I landed up in hospital really ill. They found arsenic in my blood. This has damaged my heart and liver and affected my lungs as well. I don't know why nobody picked it up before.
I have also now found out that his late wife did not commit suicide as he said, but that he actually killed her with a gun. He was difficult at times but after 13 years I thought iI knew him.
I am now still battling to pick up weight (it dropped to 25kgs) and am still nauseous and very weak. The moment I try and exercise more it makes me worse. How can I mentally trust other people and physically get back to when I was healthy again. At times I feel like giving up and letting go, but it would affect my daughter too much.

Please help
Answer 404 views

01 Jan 0001

Gosh, SS, what an alarming series of experiences. I suppose because people don't like to think of such unpleasant possibilities, they may forget to think of poisoning as a possible cause of curious symptoms. I don't tend to forget such possibilities, though of course one runs into few such cases, simply because when I trained in medicine in London, we were firmly taught to consider a range of types of possibilities whenever the diagnosis was less than obvious. This was to help one think of unlikely possibilities that might not otherwise spring to mind. Could it be --- any sort of infection ? A Poisoning or toxic effect ( accidental, deliberate and self-inflicted, or deliberate and inflicted by someone else ) ; something inherited ? and so on.
Obviously it can affect your feelings towards other people and how trustworthy they might be. Rather like I once studied and wrote about the effects of surviving assassination attempts --- it's one thing to survive a nasty illness or trauma, it's another to do so but with the knowledge that some particular person or persons wanted you to be dead and tried to achieve that aim. But in a way, though counselling is obviously something you really deserve, it should be a little better in one respect. If one merely has a cruel husband, well, though there are many really nice men out there, there are also many cruel ones, so there is a possibility that it could happen again. Fortunately, there are very few murderers out there, and even fewer poisoners. So one isnt likely to meet someone else as evil as he was, even if we continued to be unlucky in relatonships. Maybe it's more of a crisis of confidence in oneself, as when you say "after 13 years I thought iI knew him." --- finding that one's own judgement and assessment of someone was that far wrong, is disquieting, and may even lead one to feel less confident of one's own ability to spot dangers. But, like your doctors, what was actually happening was something neither of you thought was something that could happen to you.
It's important --- I assume you are dealing with this --- to see the best toxicology and internal medicine experts to be sure that everything possible is done to help you recover as fully as possible from the poison. Maybe until the heart is pronounced clear, one would be cautious about the amount of exercise pne takes on.
I believe there is probably much that can and will be done to help you return physically to health, but it is also important to take steps to protect yourself psychologically, so seeing a psychologist might be a good idea, to work through all the naturally disturbing reactions to such a discovery as you have made.
I am curious ( you can respond in a fresh message, as I don't in my Admin section see again questons to which I have already responded ) as to how your husband died ( did he harm himself ? ) and how the fact of poisoning was eventually discovered.
I understand the temptation, at times, to give up and let go, but as you realize there are many reasons why that would be an awfully bad idea--- you deserve to live and to be happy and healthy, and you must not in any way finish the loathsome attack on you which he began. And as you agree, your daughter has already had much to face, and deserves to go on with her life with the presence of her loving mother, and not alone.
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