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Question

12 Jan 2005

"porn"
I posted this in the sexologist section but I would like to get the shrinks opinion as well

Okay I know all guys look at porn. And I know it's normal (If it's not overdone) and I know most or all do it long before they meet their partners.

The thing is I can't help feeling insecure about this. I'm female, 21 years of age. 1.7m, 58kg, 34C's so I think I'm attractive - not supermodel looks but good enough.

My bf and I were both virgins. Haven't been for a year now. We're very comfortable with each other but like any other woman I still get insecure easily and see all the faults on my body. I'm scared that my bf is getting bored of my look... There's nothing wrong with our sexlife we're very active but recently I've noticed him looking at naked woman more often - not hard core porn. It scares me that I'm maybe not good enough for him.

Guys tell me do you look at other woman because you're not happy with what you have? or am I being ridiculous (like I think I am)
Answer 281 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Check out the archives of this forum, as we've discussed various aspects of this porn concern, many times before.
Leaving aside that excessive preoccupation witb porn may mean that the person isn't involved in interpersonal relatonships sufficiently, I find that the most common porn-related problem I hear about is exactly what you describe --- the spouse or partner who finds it makes her feel inadequate, even though it has nothing to do with inadequacy. I'd bet that even the husbands of the most desirable and sumptuous women on earth will remain interested in porn. It isn't about whether one's spouse is desirable, or has a less than perfect body.
Of course you're attraqctive and desirable --- and he chooses to be with you and greatly enjoys having sex with you. He also isn't a supermodel, and if he actually met one he probably wouldn't know what to do with her. Porn is about fantasies, and no more realistic than when a man drools over pictures of super-expensive cars, or a woman collects exotic recipe books --- and a woman who enjoys Mills & BOon type romance novels or soapies, is not doing so because she doesn't love her partner, but because she sometimes enjoys the idea of romance between other people. Maybe some counselling to improve your self-confidence would help you to feel more confident, and to recognize how desirable you are. And as Inc wisely says, talk this over with him, and admit that it makes you feel insecure ( rather than accusing or embarrassing him ) and you'll probably find that he can reassure you how desirable he finds you.
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