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17 Aug 2011

predicament
Hi, I have been going out with my bf now for 6 weeks, we were friends for 3 years. I desperately want a baby and he has 2 babies under a year old from a previous relationship that he is still tryng to sort out legally. We get on great when we are alone together but the ex and him are constantly fighting, she doesnt let him see the kids, there is no agreements in place so she is taking him for a financial ride and he is letting her get away with it. I dont know if I can handle all of this and also I have never had a bf with kids before and speaking to my friends that are dating single dads, it is a long hard road!!
The problem now is that I bumped into an ex of mine from a year ago and we had coffee and we both want the same things especially kids. He is single, no kids, no baggage, no exes in the picture.... it just seems so easy. We broke up because of a misunderstanding! We get on great too, so now I am in a bit of a predicament. I am looking to the future as I desperately want a child soon as I turn 40 in 3 months time. If I wait for my current bf to be ready that might be a while and also I dont know if he could afford 3 kids!!! Any advice? Thanks.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Have you thought through why you so "desperately" want to have a baby ? Even to the point of thinking about this in connection with a guy you've only been going out with for 6 weeks, even if you knew him as a friend for longer ? It sounds definite that he is far from ready, not only for children, but for a deep or lasting relationship, as he is apparently still very involved with his previous relationship which is obviously still not emotionally, legally or procedurally over.
He should get good legal advice, and may need to take that matter to court, as his ex is probably not entitled to refuse him access to his children, whether or not he pays maintenance for them, which is also a matter probably best settled by the court.
As its only 6 werks old as a formal relationship ( apparently ) is there any problem with you letting that relationship slide back into a more ordinary friendship, and considering the friendship with the other guy ? With any guy, be aware that desperation is usually a real turn-off
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