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18 Apr 2006

Pregnant and unhappy in marriage
Well where to start. My hubby and I have been married for 1 yr 3 mths. I am 8 1/2 mths pregnant. Things are going from bad to worse. When we fight (often) he swears and me and hits his fists throught the cupboard etc. I am not afraid or anything though. His has a family of suicide history with his father and brother. He oftens threans that he is going to kill himself and I must live with it on my mind. He has a child from another woman who happens to be his brother in laws sister. We went away this weekend and his sister and he hubby came through for the weekend to our house. They had no where to stay so we said well seeing that we are gone they can stay at our place. On Sunday morning I find out that they brought his child and the other woman with as they are friends and related. I freaked out (not literally but was a bit peeved off). He threw a tantrum and said that I don't accept his child. I do but I don't accept her sleeping at my house without my knowledge. he said that he only found out on Sunday morning. Hard to believe as he took it in his stride. He said that If i don't accept his child how can he accept mine (ours by the way). He gets so ugly at times. He once said that he doubts if it is his child anyway (ours). When I try to talk he screams and shouts and me and tell me to shut the F*** up. If i keep quiet he has a huffy. I don't want to get divorced now as I am so far pregnant. Will things ever change. We started councelling last week but nothing has changed. I don't feel good as I am big (obviously) but he will never say anything to make me feel better. he says that i am selfish and only think of myself. I am the bread winner in the house. He cannot handle that either, he says that money is an issue in my life but he is the first to find out how much my commission is. I am tired. Doc what do I do. Support him or give him a wake up call. His sister phones last night and tell us that we must get rid of our dogs because of the baby and throw our horrow dvd's away as they bring demons into our house. If she was such a big christian why did she bring that other woman to our house without consulting me first. Doc plse help as I don;t know what to do anymore.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Hello Trace,
I can understand how these events would have been upsetting for you ; probably more because this visit by the other woman and the child happened without your knowledge --- but apparently it was without his knowledge, too. Primarily, it sounds astoundingly clumsy and thoughtless of his sister and brother-in-law, i these circumstances. and cheeky too, as when someone loans you their home for a weekend, you don't invite more people to join in the treat, without checking this out with your hosts.
Odd that he makes this distinction between "his child" ( his child by the other woman ) and "your child" ( his child by you). He sounds very immature and emotionally unstable, from your description. It is very wise that you two have started counselling --- there may be no immediate effects noticeable, but with an experienced counsellor, this should be helpful before long. His sister's theories about dogs and demons are simply daft, and ought to be ignored. Maybe he needs some form of wake-up call, especially as you are the breadwinner ( what does HE do all day ? Maybe that's a sigbnificant part of his insecurity ? ) but discuss this with your counsellor
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