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Question

20 Jan 2004

Problem Brother
Hi Doc

My brother (18years old) has become increasingly disobedient to my parents. It is becoming so difficult to watch him hurt them emotionally. Last night my dad nearly had a heart attack try to get him to listen to them. He has just matriculated and although he does have dreams, he is not doing anything to achieve them. He has a girl friend, she takes up all his time, with the result he comes home late and does not get much done. I am 24 years old male. How can I get through to my brother in a practical way so that he begins to make choice for this year that are benificial to him.
I believe I am a strong Christian, so I pray for him, but know I believe I need to do something. Please advise
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear Ray,
I'm with lady nina on this one, and tough love can be most effective. It sounds like he needs to learn pracical lessons that the world ( and his family ) don't owe him a living, and that so long as he lives in their house, he must live by the house rules or find somewhere else to live, rapidly.
I disagree with Cleo, in that most people who are behaving in a disrespectful and selfish manner, do so because they are disrespectful and selfish, and not due to some deep and profound personal problem needing gentle handling and a lifting of reasonable expectations for their conduct towards others. Yes, I agee with Cleo that it is ood for you to indicate to him that you are concerned and prepared to listen IF he has any problems he wants to talk about. But that doesn't change the need for him to behave less selfishly and aggressively.
He will never learn the need to take actions that benefit him ( and others ) and to avoid making bad decisions, if his family always shield him from the natural and likely consequences of the choices he chooses to make.
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