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19 Jan 2004

Prostitute Substitute
Dear Doc and Readers,
I don’t really have much of a question this time but thought I’d share somewhat of a spooky theory with you. Hope you don’t mind -- it is such a taboo subject and touches the lives of so many.

Nothing can justify adultery as a result of a love affair. Cardinal vows broken down under such circumstances warrants little mercy and no forgiveness. In some countries, death by stoning is how such atrocities are sanctioned.

In less uncivilised states, however, a one time Prostitution Substitution, should surely not be regarded as love affair.
I acknowledge the pain and genuinely sympathise with wives who have been substituted with a prostitute. In addition to the breech and breakdown in trust, morals and ethics, the feelings of inadequacy must also be unbearable.
Such husbands’ actions are unjustifiable, inexcusable and unforgettable – no question!

Forgivable? Perhaps - and here’s maybe why:

Males and females differ not only in physical anatomy (and I praise God for the marvellous ‘one size fits all’ design), but differ also in cognitive anatomy (here, at the best of times, I’m not always quite sure that I understand why the Creator had to do things to the extent that he had).
Nevertheless, our male/female cognitive differences do exist and are far more profound in some specific areas than in others. Therefore I maintain that what’s good for the gander is not necessarily always good for the goose (and visa versa).

Most (if not all) males regard the use of a prostitute as a nothing more than a slightly better alternative to masturbating.
Most healthy, normal males masturbate, whether married or not.
They do this, not because they no longer love their wives, children, pets and family
or because they have fallen in love with a prostitute (or with their masturbating hand), but simply as a result of an unavoidable masculine cognitive process driven by lust caused by an overpowering hormone – the level and extent of which differs somewhat even from male to male. Why is it so impossible to get some people to understand this?
The very existence of the prostitution profession, for all these thousands of decades (since heaven knows when) is attributed to this.

I believe that divorce is an overreaction and too dramatic a course to follow.
The results are almost always devastating with far reaching long term consequences for too many people who are subjected to a punishment not exactly suited to the crime.

Am I being naïve or are there reasons other than those above for which a married man would sleep with a prossie?
Admittedly, I am inclined to support the underdog recklessly at times, but with good intentions. I regard all marriages as sacramental.

I felt for the guy whose wife played into the hands of his blackmailer by treating him the way the blackmailer wanted.
Am I playing Devil's advocate?
Answer 948 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Spooky,
That "an unavoidable masculine cognitive process driven by lust caused by an overpowering hormone" sounds like exactly the same argument rapists use to ask us to excuse their fondnes for rape, and which child abusers use to explain their enjoyment of child abuse.
I don't believe that the normal developmental process is Infancy, then Childhood, followed by Adultery. What spposedly distinguished mankind from animals is our ability to take notice of the effects of our actions on ourselves and other people, and to control our lusts and instincts without allowing ourself to be overpowered by them.
You're on a slippery slope with your argument. You could argue in very similar terms that there's an equally unavoidable masculine and feminine cognitive process driven by aggression and inflamed by overpowering hormones, that should justify acts of violence against others. But I don't think you'd find the argument impressive if you were the victim of the agression, however overpowering someone else found his hormones on that particular day.
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