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02 Feb 2004

Put me in a corner
Dear CS,
I've got an irritating problem. I'm not crazy about my parents in law, especially my father in law. Some time ago my husband casually mentioned to me: "Wouldn't it be nice to go to the island where we went on our honeymoon?" I agreed. But this was a casual conversation. Some time after that his mother phoned and said that the holiday at this island would very nice. They made all sorts of plans about this holiday without considering me. (The 4 of us should go there together and when they want to go, etc.) If I back out now it will probably be odd. BUT I started at a new job and wouldn't like to take 2 weeks leave now. I would also like to be part of decisions being made. The issue with the father in law is at a point where I said to my husband I think we should get together (they stay far from us) and talk about the issues. (My father in law really makes me very unhappy. I find him very bombastic) To me it doesn't make sense to throw everybody together for 2 weeks and hope for the best. I've got nice memories about the honeymoon at the island. Why spoil it? I tend to consider other people's feeling but these people doesn't do the same. I find it very difficult. Please help!
Answer 384 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear What Now !
I see your points entirely. Een if everyone else had the purest motives, it was inconsiderate to attange this holiday without consulting you, both about your feelings ( maybe they feel you were consulted, vaguely ) and espcially about the timing.
Don't you need o have a good in-depth discussion with your husband, pointing out calmly that it was unfortunate not to have discussed this idea with you before finalizing the plans, and that at this stage in your new job, youreally don't feel at all good about suddenly going away for two weeks, as it could cause various problems.
If there's no chance of revision of the plans at this late stage, at least you two can plan a strategy for how to make the holiday as pleasant FOR YOU, as possible, and for avoiding conflict, and to devise ways in which he can work WITH you and work towards solving the issues between you and your father-in-law
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