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12 Dec 2012

Question please
Hello

there is this person i call a friend (male), we work for the same company but different unit, well known, well behave, respectful . I got to know this guy better when i needed help and we''''ve been friends for about 5 years now. The thing is this guy spoils me to the extend that i feel bad at times, although its not as often its anything from buying me stuff for the house (e.g food and grocery stuff), gifts (really nice expensive gifts), taking me out &  replacing my car tyres. everytime he travels somewhere locally or internationally he brings me a gift. Now the interesting part is there is absolutely nothing happening between us except friendship, not a kiss, not a wink, just a hug when we separate.

In the 5 years that i have known him, whether talking on the phone or via text or meetings, has he never said anything suggesting he wants more, and we talk about anything, from relationships, life, politics, general etc or behaved in any manner that suggest there is anything else other than friendship. The only thing he told me is that i am special and he enjoys my company, though we don''''t meet as often as he travels a lot. I have dated a number of men to really pick up if a man wants more or not, but with this guy i can''''t see that.(not that i want a relationship with him)

I have never bought or gifted him anything, i want to but everytime i think about it questions come to mind.
1. will the friendship change if i get him something. i don''''t want to give him anything that will suggest othrwise
2. the guy has got everything, what do i get him
3. is there more to him spoiling me like this, if so why is he not saying anything.
4. should i reject or continue to take the gifts he gives me.

If you can help, please do
Answer 294 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

From your description, his gifts go well beyond the occasional small, pleasant gift between friends - when they include car tyres, we're talking about substantial money ! Yet you say he is apparently not expecting, and not getting anything untoward from you in terms of intimacy and love. As you descibe it, his behaviour has been entirely proper and well-mannered.
Lets see what other readers have to say here.
I'd think it worthwhile for you to have a calm chat with him, commenting that you feel a bit uneasy about accepting so many gifts from him, especially as it wouldn't be easy for you to reciprocate, and that you're not sure or clear just what this relationship is, and what he may be expecting or hoping for.
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