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19 Jul 2005

... racist ...
yea doc ... it is definitely a contradiction and in some respects i am not used to feeling these feelings ... i neva had any emotional feelings towards dutchmen or the language ... i used to b fully bi when it came 2 english afrikaans ...

my woman uses afrikaans words now and then and when i hear them i feel physical pain ... it is contradictory to my personality ... i neva felt anythin for them ...

sure i would appy 2 talk bout max ... eez the man and its funny as well ... am not sure if its age old suppressed feelins of my old man marryin the totally wrong chick and shes a bone ead ... or when i was small seen stupid rubgy fluckers going klaffer bashing ... maybe its these wankers at work ... the guys a jurk ... but i can't explain y there is pain in hearin the language ... a sick feelin is seein rugby or any association i ave eva ad with anythin that is remotely afrikaans ... the thought of braai ... even the word makes me wanna blow junks!

i been clean 4 a few days as u know but wot the fluck is up with this ... the dudes on the plain were assholes as well dutchmen folks ... is this some kind of repression... any advice would b lovely but i may do somethin stupid like fluck them up ... at the gym last night some dude chattin bout his bokkie made me mad, i found myself holdin a weight and movin towards him like a hunter about to smash a skull ... i don't like feelin hate towards dem but this is almost out of control... elp doc! I'm feelin like the whole countries all flucked up cause of stupid ass whipes who thought there colour and language was beta so they flucked up everythin ... and now liberal folks suffer ... and are persecuted cause they white ... awb its bone ead ... is there any direction in anythin i said?
Answer 463 views

01 Jan 0001

Maybe as part of the process of getting used to being clean ( as when folks stop smoking tobacco ) there's an added degree of irritability ? And isn't the point that the obnoxious guys on the plane were sphincters, their language being largely irelevant ? If this strong and hardly rational emotional response is, as you say, a change in you, and stirs a most unbecoming and unhelpful degree of rage and aggression, well, that's where seeing a counsellor can help a lot. When ANYTHING starts to slide out of control, that's the time to get professional help to sort it out and regain useful control.
And other readers, Dude has made it clear he intends only to post messages to me, and doesn't need others to read or comment on his postings.
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