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08 Nov 2006

re: abused & confused
Thank you for your reply CS. I made an urgent appointment with my shrink. I felt so confused. I tried to phone a divorce lawyer 3x, but cant talk when they pick up. ai, its so hard?
My shrink told me almost the same as you. that only if he recognise he has a problem & be willing to do something about it, there is hope.
By this, he meant im not allowed to steer him into the direction of therapy or counceling. I did before so he is aware of all the options.

he suggested that i
1. pack his bags for him to go, but he could see I find this difficult OR
2. tell him that the marriage is over, The reason being I cant stay with someone who even occasionally looses his temper & hits me. If he wants to save the marriage, it would be up to him to do something.

And basicly see what he comes up with. If he is not willing to work on his problem, then its not me who made the choice to get divorced, but him.

i dont think my husband will come up with anything him, sorry is enough. To me it is not.
But like you said, its not me who should ask why, it is him.

Its hard CS, its very, very hard. I am scared of the outcome.

I told my shrink its almost Xmas, what must I do with myself over this time if Im alone?
he said to me JOL..!!!! FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!
I wanted to ask him if he would be available, but ja, that might be overstepping the line, what do you think?..LOL

Thank you CS for your listening ear or rather reading eye. It helped.
Answer 293 views

01 Jan 0001

As I understand it, your shrink's advice is to produce a form of polite ultimatum, firmly making it clear that even occasional abuse is intolerable, and he needs to decide to seek help to enable him to stop this --- not to push him into a particular solution, but to make it clear that you expect him to find a solution or to leave. And as you say "sorry is not enough" --- it is sorry in actions, not words, that is required.
Work towards your own freedom, within or without the marriage.
As for asking the shrink to bhe available for the Jol ? Have you seen what they charge for such services ? :}
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