Ask an expert
Question

18 Jul 2005

Really need help here!
Hi All

I became a grandmother on 11 June, my son and the g/f live in Gordon's Bay in a commune. My ex and his g/f live very close and only advised me last Saturday that there have been some major problems with drug and alocohol abuse etc.

I rushed down there last Monday and I am going to copy and email I sent to freinds and family I sent this morning.

I arrived in Gordon’s Bay on Tuesday after my son James, arrived on Monday. He had already been to see David and was shocked and disgusted at the room that they live in. There were empty bottles and dagga stompies all over. The room is in a commune and is absolutely filthy, until the welfare inspect on a Tuesday, then they clean it up.

David and the G/F arrived at my ex’s house on Tuesday night. David was as shocked to see me as I was to see him. Even after 4½ years, I had no inclination to touch him in anyway whatsoever. He is filthy, his hair looks as though he has dreadlocks in. She is weird to say the least. Barefoot and the baby wrapped in a blanket. (She has thing about wearing clothes, the baby rarely wears a nappy and is usually at her breast. They both bath in the sea! Yes, her and the baby!

Anyway, they sat down and she asked my ex if he wanted to see the baby. He said that she should rather introduce herself to me and show me the baby. David was crying hysterically throughout the 10 minutes they were there, muttering that he is not on ‘Tik” we all think he is but he isn’t and other ramblings. She flatly ignored my Ex and kept trying to console David. Eventually she turned to David and asked him if they should tell the truth. What a revelation, the baby is suddenly not David’s. I then asked why they had been prepared for Wayne and I to spend two grand for them to come to Jhb to show me another man’s baby and she promptly jumped up and told David they must leave.

I have heard horrific stories, she was in a pub until two on the morning the baby was born, he was born at 05:00. She discharged herself and the baby later that day as the nurse insisted they wear clothes. She left the hospital with the baby naked and her bare foot and dressed in a long coat. No injections/vaccinations etc.

Apart from seeing her at her front door on Friday afternoon when I left, I saw nothing of them again. James asked David two or three times to come and see me on his own but he didn’t bother.

There are two bars very close to where they live that suddenly have big signs up ‘No Children Allowed” this I am told in for their benefit as she refuses to put a nappy and cloths on the child and then gets aggressive when given advise.

The lady from the welfare informs me that they have the situation under control and that ‘she loves the baby very much’. This lady certainly has not spoken to the people I have!

I have lost a week off work, I have traveled thousands of miles, it also cost me a pretty penny and I have returned to the rest of the family only to tell them what I have told you. There are a few more details I will spare you.

Her father approached me outside the hair salon where my ex’s g/f works and told me in no uncertain terms that Gordon’s Bay is too small for the both of us and suggested I go home. We tried to see her mother (they are divorced) twice and she refused to open the door.

I tried but …………………… The baby needs to be removed from their care irrespective of who the father is but it is truly like hitting your head against a brick wall.

Any ideas?



Answer 462 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Well, for a start, tip off the Welfare people not to be so darn stupid as to make their visits on a regular, predictable day, so that they can have a realistic chance of seeing how things really are, rather than just how things look when people have been able to prepare themselves to fake it for the Welfare ! It sounds as though there is something rwally wrong going on here. Your son sounds as if he may not be mentally well, and as if he may be subject to undue influence by this woman, and perhaps by others.
Child welfare should be urgently asked to check on vaccinations and the child's well-being, with a mother ( apparently an immensely old-fashioned Hippy type ) who believes in nudity and sea-baths, whoever the father of the child is.
And tell the lady from Welfare that unless she has actively interviewed a range of real witnesses to the child's neglect,rather than lazily accepting the assurances of the mother, then you will consider reporting her to the authorities for serously neglecting her duties. if she thinks that situation is under control, then that lady from welfare might be smoking something.
Other than insisting that the silly woman from Welfare must do her job competently, there is probably nothing much you can do. Your son and his lady are both adults, and unless there is sufficient reason to involve the Mental Health authorities to check whether either or both of them are mentally competent or sick, there is nothing to stop them being foolish with regard to their own lives. But they are not entitled to risk the life of an infant or child, due to their own eccentric views.
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.