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Question
02 Apr 2006
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Red Rose
After more than three years my boyfriend told me that he does not feel the same as he once was. He said that he had been thinking it over for the past month. On the contrary, in this last month I felt that our realationship was returning back to normality...
I asked him why, if he did not feel the same he made love to me some weeks before and he admitted that he wanted to see whether he still feels something...and the response was that in fact he felt just normal... I lost my confidence after that. I am doubting everything...I hate this situation, I never thought that we could ever come to this point because i believed in our relationship. He left me and after about an hour he sent me an sms saying to forget what he told me. I asked him whether in that hour he realised that he loved me more...he told me that he just needs another chance to learn how to love me....
I have plenty of doubts...how can i trust him...myself when I did not know what was passing from his mind in that mind...
I am trying to work on it as I eblieve that there needs 2 to tango and maybe I have my faults as well...but I am doubting all his actions...I am asking him continuosly whehter he is feeling different....I don't know what to do.
I asked him why, if he did not feel the same he made love to me some weeks before and he admitted that he wanted to see whether he still feels something...and the response was that in fact he felt just normal... I lost my confidence after that. I am doubting everything...I hate this situation, I never thought that we could ever come to this point because i believed in our relationship. He left me and after about an hour he sent me an sms saying to forget what he told me. I asked him whether in that hour he realised that he loved me more...he told me that he just needs another chance to learn how to love me....
I have plenty of doubts...how can i trust him...myself when I did not know what was passing from his mind in that mind...
I am trying to work on it as I eblieve that there needs 2 to tango and maybe I have my faults as well...but I am doubting all his actions...I am asking him continuosly whehter he is feeling different....I don't know what to do.
CyberShrink
of course one understands how very hurtful this must be for you. But it doesn't sound in the least as though any of it is your fault, or any reason to doubt yourself. Maybe he's going through some sort of life-crisis, unsure of himself. Maybe the two of you would benefit from seeing a relationship counsellor, so you could learn more about yourselves and each other, and see if this relationship can heal itself. I understand, too, your frequent wish to ask him whether he's feeling diferently --- but that's like worrying about whether he has a fever, and taking his temperature every minute --- it becomes a burden and a problem in its own right. Frusty expresses it excellently.
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