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06 Feb 2004

Rejection

Doc, (and people of the forum)

Why is it that we are all affraid of someone breaking upwith us or cheating on us? If someone breaksup with us we immediately picture him/her with someone else and it makes us sick. When my b/friend broke up with me once(he came crawling back) I wanted to vomit. I couldnt eat and lose 5kg in a week. I used to picture him being with another woman and I wanted to puke. My question is....Is it vanity? Or is it just the feeling of being rejected? Why do we feel so worthless when someone doesnt wants to be with us? Is it because that person was once in love with you and you cant understand why they no longer do.? Or what? It can happen to anyone of us any time. Whether we 25 or 14. This is the reason why I hold back in relaionships and seem aloof and hard and my b/friend always gets annoyed that I never say 'I love you'. Whats up with me? Knowones hurt me before really.


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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Randy,
A very interesting question, worth more study and serious thought than it usuall gets. Probably all that you mention ( and more ) is part of this complex phenomenon. We feel rejected, because someone has chosen not to be with us, and instead of deciding that they must have lousy taste, we tend to assume that there must be something truly wrong with us, even though this is usually not so. We invest heavily, emotionally, in such a relationship, and haemorrhage emotionally when it is cut off. Opening oneself top love inevitably means making oneself vulnerable, and that can be an awesome prospect.
Usually tey leave without giving any clear or accurate reason, so you're left wondering. And maybe we make a mistake in letting the other person, however much we love them, have the power to decide on whether we have worth and value --- But you have value -- you did before you met him, and you will after you leave him.
And isn;t there a sense of possessiveness that grows in many relationships, so that the idea that he's with someone else, feels like someone has stolen something belonging to you ? Maybe it's harder to form a good relationship as something between free individuals,. but perhaps its worth trying to do so ?
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