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11 Jul 2005

rekindle trust
My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for just over a year now and we have an amazing open very passionate relationship. About 4 months ago he slept with an ex lover of his and it was just that one night. He confessed and even though I was and still am very hurt, we are still together, that incident has opened our eyes and mine especially and our communication about our needs is a topic we cover constantly. We see each other all the time and if two nights passes that we don’t see each other its a lot. Our sex life is amazing and so is our intimacy. It puzzles me why he did it because our relationship has always been this way and as I said that incident has increased our communication, we talk about everything and there is no taboo subject with us. My problem is that when we are apart, like in those 2 nights that we don’t see each other, I get all paranoid and suspicious and then I start getting negative and then I call him or sms him and start my cross examination. He has proved himself over and over again and since that incident shares everything with me. The one night he was not with me he cheated and so my mind works along those lines when we are apart. I don’t know how to overcome this negativity and doubt when we are apart as I don’t need him to spend all his available time with me. I ask for advice from those who are experiencing the same thing, please. I used to trust him explicitely and I want to do so again.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

The high degree of communications between you two sounds wholesome. I'm less sure about the degree of dependency and exclusiveivty and "seeing eac other all the time". Even if he had never been unfaithful or even thought of it, such extreme closeness could lead to discomfort on the occasions when you two would necessarily be apart. You can overcome the likelihood of cheating, and the fear of it recurring, by working together in relationship counselling --- not by gluing yourself to him and being constantly together.
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