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20 Nov 2004

relationship and ex's

my boyfriend and i have been together for almost 3 years now. we love each other very much but there is just one thing that we always argue about. his ex girlfriend. him and her were together for almost 6 years when they broke up. she used to cheat on him behind his back and in front of him and treat him very badly, yet he still stayed with her. in the beginning he used to run to her whenever we had a problem and i told him straight out that i dont like it. reason being, he told me that she wanted him back and that she still loved him but that he feels nothing for her. i managed to get my point of view across to him and for a couple of monhts she was out of the picture. i found out recently that they are still contacting each other through emailing etc. this upsets me and i have told him and he told me that he respects my feelings towards her but he's not going to ignore her just because i say so. he visited her once, without me knowing, and she was only in her underwear. he was very good for her, he treated her like a queen and yet she cheated on him whenever she got a chance. i just dont know how to get my point across to him about how i feel. yes, i also had a past but ties with my passed is cut. i know that if i had to contact my ex he would have a cadenza yet he says otherwise. i asked him whether he'd make a commitment to me and he said yes and when she asked him whether we are planning on getting married, he said no. how do i deal with this?
Answer 367 views

01 Jan 0001

Hello nina,
I can understand that maybe the deceit of assuring you he had ended the relationship, while still maintaining contact, is very upsetting for you. I am struck by how, often, relationships are like addictions, and a person keeps returning to the scene of the crime, as it were, rather like as a kid when you lost a tooth you kept going back and licking the empty socket. But he is surely not altogether stupid --- she cheated him repeatedly and deceived him, he can hardly now expect her to have suddenly become truthful and sincere, surely ?
I don't know how you can deal with this other than by continued, calm, sincre, and strong discussions with him, making i9t clear what you expect from him, and that this includes sincerity and honesty on his side.
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