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02 Oct 2009

Relationship dilema
Hi

My boyfriend and i have been dating for 6 years and engaged for 5 months. He recently found messages that another guy had been sending me on facebook a year ago. He describes the messages as flirty and cheating but that is not how I see it. I havent seen the guy in person ever- except for the first time we met and now my boyfriend had called off the wedding and says he has no trust left for me. I dont understand this as he has been in contact with the guy who reiterated to him that there was nothing going on between us. He has always had a problem with me having male friends and I was always aware that it stemmed from HIS insecurities and not my possible infidelity. Im 24 and have invested so many years in this relationship im not sure if i should fight for it or just wait and see what happens. He is absolutely adamand that i am untrustworthy, how do we build the trust again? Is thats possible? Do we take a break? please help
Answer 316 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

The conflict is probably not about the facebook messages as such, mut suggests that all is not well between you in other ways, too, and couples counselling would probably be the best way to sort this out. It sounds VERY much as though your bf was looking for an excuse to call off the wedding, as he is grossly over-reacting to the ostensible issue. He sounds insecure, excessively possessive and jealous, and ferankly maybe not ready for marirage, even after 6 years. Counselling might be able to sort it out. Its not for you to "build up the trust" again --- what, for another 6 years ? Becaue he is insecure ? People who over-react and accuse their partner of infidelity may have been unfaithful in some way themselves.
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