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30 Nov 2004

Relationship Inexperience
Hallo,

I am so confused. I was brought up really conservative and have to find myself in this modern world.

Anyway, I met this guy several years ago. During the last two years our relationship turns from friendship to something more serious. He also admitted that. But he still see us as just 'friends'. We never had sex, but we did stuff that I wouldn't do with any of my friends. He also said he loved me. But he couldn't get himself so far to commit to a relationship. We both don't see anybody else and spend a lot of time together, we are practically like any couple that is in a relationship, but we aren't. Then he says that he is a loner and does his own thing.

My problem is, that I don't have much experience where men are concerned. I know that we don't live in the stone ages anymore where the guy had to do all the work when he liked a girl, but what did I do wrong? I think that if I handled things differently things would have been different. Didn't I show or tell him enough that I was interested? I don't know. I never told him that I love him (although I do). I just felt that if he cannot even admit that we are in a relationship why should I expose myself even more.

He hardly ever phones me. He says he doesn't like talking on the telephone, so I do the phoning all the time. But he comes and visits me more often than I go to his place. He never took me on a proper date, but he will do anything for me. I can literally ask him anything and he will do it for me. He will drive me around; fix things in my house, etc. He also sleeps over a lot, but I never sleep at his house. Just because he shares his house with some mates and the other people make me feel uncomfortable. I cook him food and took him out to dinner and all those stuff.

My point is: I am trying to find out if I am not expecting to much from him or any other guy and have I approach this whole thing incorrectly. I don't know if this will work out, but I don't want to mess up any future relationships as well.

Thanks,
B
Answer 385 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Yes, Conservative pbringings may help one to cope in a strictly Conservative world, but may not be much use for surviving and functioning well in the ordinary modern world in most countries. It's important not only to learn a set of values, but also how to apply them to the situations one actually will face. Sounds like he's being himself, though that may not be the sort of "himself" you want to love and be in a long-term love relationship, with. Right now, though, he sounds like a very good friend. I think the only person who can truly answer your questions, is him, so maybe you need to plan a long conversation with him, to talk about these issues ?
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
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