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24 Jul 2008

Relationship not the same anymore
I do not know if I am over-reacting but the past few months I have been feeling like my relationship is falling apart. My bf and I were engaged for 18 months. Broke up for 18 months and now we have been back together for a year now. Reason we got back together is that we do love each other and we want to spend the rest of our lives together. But since we have been together some things have gotten better where some have gotten worse. My bf used to email me and sms me during the day to say he misses me, loves me or I must have a good day. He has not done that in 5 months – said or did anything to make me feel special. Since we have been together, not once has he told me how happy he is to have me back in his life and why he loves me so much or why he still wants to marry me one day. You know –  all the little romantic things. For about 8 months now we make love maybe once a week. And when I talk to him about it he has some kind of excuse. We barley go out together, we just sit at home and he plays the computer and I watch TV. I say to him let’ s go to movies or go plat putt putt and he has some other excuse. He plays golf the entire weekend and is out during the week. It has come to a point where I ask my friends to go with me to movies on weekends. And then he gets upset that I go to movies with them and not him. But he is never at home and never wants to go out. When he goes out with friends or company functions we comes home at like 3am and drunk. But when we go out together to his company functions or even if it is to a family function, then he does not want to drink and we are always the first people to leave, making me look like I am the one who is the party pooper. The past 4 weeks he has played golf all weekend and this week he said he would not play golf this weekend as he wanted to spend time with me and the very next day he tells me that he was asked to play golf this weekend. And so I was upset about it and he cancelled his game. But it feels like he only cancelled because I am forcing him to spend time with me and not because he actually wants to spend time with me. A month ago I was sick with bronchitis and he promised to come home early and make me dinner. Instead he called me at 5pm to say he was going fro drinks with a buddy. He only got home after 10. Maybe I am asking too much but it seems like his level of commitment towards me as just disappeared. Am I being silly or does it seem like we have a problem?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

If this relationship is to get anywhere constructively, surely the pair of you need to see a relationship counsellor together ? You do certainly sound as though there is a problem within the relationship ; and counselling is a way to explore whether this is fixable ( and whether fixing it is the most desirable outcome ) or at least to understand how this happened, if you want to plan to separate and avoid such situations in the future
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