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Question

14 Dec 2004

Relationship problems
Hi.

I am in a relationship with a younger man, he's 2 1/2 years younger than me,me 26, him 23... I am a single mom too to a daughter of 4 years old. He adores my little girl and we have a good relationship, at least I like to think so...

Problem:

I know that I am being too possessive and don't know how to control it... I have been through a lot of BAD relationships, from abuse to being cheated on... and here is a geniune person (at least I think so), and I can't seem to let go...

He is very stubborn, and only wants things HIS way or the high way, and I'm like that too... we have agreed to TRY and overcome this problem.

His best friend is down from Aussie, and we fought about him going out without me, of which I don't like, especially because of the fact that I've never met him and don't know what kind of person my bf is going to be out with...

As for his father, I think he's a control freak... I can't stand him. I never used to be like this, but the one weekend my bf, his brother and his father went away and his father FREAKED when my bf phoned me... GOD SAKES... I'm his gf, and have a right to speak to him whenever I want... his father is so controlling, that my bf stopped answering my calls and it really caused a lot of problems for us, and since then, his father and I have never seen eye to eye, and we hardly say 2 words to each other... if his father wasn't like that, then I'm pretty sure things would be better between my bf and I, but I seem to go off the rail when I hear he wants to go away again, because I know that his FATHER is going to give him grief about phoning and my bf LISTENS to him... surely that's not healthy for our relationship???

I feel like his father will do anything to break us up and I wish he would just leave us alone, and live his own life and stop interferring... How can I do this?

How can I overcome my possessiveness and learn to let go??? I really do love this man, and we've really got such a strong bond, but is love enough for us to keep going?

My best friend said to me that I must stop kidding myself and face reality and that it's not going to change... do I listen to her advice... I have been through this before in other relationships, and it didn't get better... She even said she wished she was here with me to help through it (she lives in Aussie too)... because she's scared I"m going to get hurt again...

My bf said to me that he's been hurt so many times too and that's the reason he doesn't compromise anymore and things must go his way... surely that's not good? How can I help my bf overcome this fear that I'm going to hurt him? I want to be with him, I am not here to hurt him... He told me that I was the first person he could see having a future with and be together and go places, so how do we overcome the problem with compromising? I know that 90% of our problems is due to lack of compromise and want to save this relationship.

Please help.
Answer 355 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

See a couinsellor to better understand and deal with your own excess possessiveness. Maybe also couples counselling a la FAMSA) to sort out how best to run a relationship with 2 bosses and no employees.
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