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18 Feb 2004

Relationship - should I end it or wait?
Hey Doc,

I'm in a fairly new relationship... but I'm having incredible doubts about it! This is probably the nicest guy I've ever met in my life, yet he doesn't make my heart go boom! I've been praying about it, and I'm afraid I'm a bit impatient for an answer! He's the kind of person that needs people around him to make him happy, and I don't mind being by myself (sometimes even prefer it) and need space! I've told him that I'm not a clingy, huggy, kissy, hand-holding person...which he seems to have chosen to ignore! And being out last night, constantly having my hand in his (it's not like I'm going to run away if he doesn't hold me hand!!!) and getting the umpteenth bite/ kiss on my shoulder or neck...well, I'm feeling incredibly irritated today! Now I've finally decided that I should do something about this! I'm just afraid that maybe I am a commitment phobic person, and that if I end it, I might have ended up making a huge mistake! But is it fair of me to ask him to give me space (and to me that means leaving me alone for at least 2 weeks!!)... and then perhaps decided that it is / is not worth staying in this relationship? Doc, I'm feeling so confused, and I know that you're probably going to tell me that in the end it's my decision, and I will have to live with the consequences... what to do, what to do!!!! Could you offer a word or two of advice?
Answer 366 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear Lou,
Assuming we're not talking about a vampire whose love-bites are part of a plan for an exchange-transfusion, what you're talking about doesn't sound like a committment-phobic, but more as if you're simply recognizing that he may be a sweet fellow, buty he's just not your type of sweet fellow. A huggy-kissy, let's be Siamese Twins -type of guy would be some women's dream date ; and the nightmare of others. It doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you, or him, if the style is just something you don't enjoy. He's not likely to modify this lastingly, so is this really an emotional relationship in which you would ever feel comfortable and really happy ?
If it's irritating already, it could become infuriating before long, with both of you being more hurt by any break-up later on, rather than sooner. Romantic coach seems to have it about right. And as oth3ers emphasize, this could be the edge of aspects of excess possessiveness and/or jealousy, that rarely make a good relationship feasible.
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